How to Cope With JDOCD Sufferers

You know who you are, don’t you? You are the beleaguered loved ones of a JDODC sufferer.* Some of you have been beleaguered for years, others may be new to the ranks. But you all share one commonality – you’re all going mad.

JDOCD can have an enormous impact on families and friends. While some family members or associates learn to live fairly easily with a JDOCD sufferer* (developing a sense of humour being the most important coping skill), others may not manage so well, expressing high levels of anger and frustration. Some family members may be confused, uncertain how to respond to a loved one’s obsessive-compulsive behavior. Classmates, co-workers and colleagues may feel left out or abandoned. Often spouses, children and associates experience a sense of betrayal, feeling that their loved one’s loyalty has somehow shifted outside the family or social circle.

We will be addressing, primarily, families and friends of fairly recent sufferers.* Those of you who have been attempting to cope for years are pretty much beyond hope. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you may as well just pack it in.

Many families and friends attempt, unsuccessfully, to help their addicted loved ones. They may have tried various strategies, hoping to "fix" whatever is "wrong" with the JDOCD victim. (This approach couldn’t be more misguided – on SO many levels.) They may have even sought help from outside sources such as medical professionals or members of the clergy. However, in spite of often Herculean efforts, most find little – if any – success.

Let’s look at the case of two people we will call Amy and Ted. They are your typical couple, five or ten years into what they both expect to be a permanent arrangement. Amy is basically a football widow seven months out of the year, but can’t really complain too much. Ted is (mostly) attentive, he (almost) always remembers birthdays and anniversaries…and Christmas, he (occasionally) buys her flowers on special occasions, and he is (somewhat) reasonable about taking out the garbage and going shopping. Ted appreciates Amy’s willingness to fix sandwiches and beer for his poker buddies, grow her hair long, and wear skimpy undies. He does his level (!!!) best to keep the two of them on a regular weekly schedule for…um…well, YOU KNOW. Amy wishes their love life were a bit more spontaneous, varied and…er…exciting, but, after comparing notes with girlfriends and co-workers, is just glad that Ted is still sharing her bed.

Ted and Amy go to the movies on a regular basis. Ted prefers loud action adventures – explosions, car chases, girls in short, tight cut-offs. Amy likes more cerebral films, with beautiful cinematography, lavish costumes and a tear-jerking love story thrown in for good measure. Sometimes they find something that has a little of both…but not very often. So they have settled into a routine of give and take – an agreement of entertainment compromise.

In July of 2003 Ted approaches Amy. Would she like to go see a new movie opening up this weekend? Amy wants to know what it’s about. When Ted says “pirates” and “Disney” Amy isn’t so sure, but knows Ted will go one way or the other, and if there are scantily-clad pirate wenches in it, Amy wants to be there hanging on to Ted’s arm as a reminder.

After INTERMINABLE advertisements, movie trivia games, cheesy music, and endless previews, the movie finally begins. A slowly spinning medallion, a ship appearing out of the fog, a child singing “yo-ho, yo-ho.” Ted and Amy settle in, waiting for the story to unfold.

Exactly 9 1/2 minutes into the film the camera focuses on a man’s back, slowly panning around to show a pirate, tricorn hat rakishly placed over a faded headscarf and beaded dreadlocks whipping in the sea breeze. Ted senses Amy stiffening and gives her a sideways glance. Her mouth is open, eyes wide…she doesn’t seem to be breathing. He leans over to whisper a comment and is amazed, and somewhat miffed, at her curt gesture cutting him off. But he shrugs, and hunches back in his seat.  Amy slowly withdraws her hand from Ted’s embrace, remaining aloof, in her own little bubble of silence for the rest of the film.

As they leave the theater Amy keeps taking deep breaths of hot summer night air and expelling huge sighs. Ted presses her.

What’s up?

Wasn’t he…amazing?   Amy asks.

The Pirate?

No. Not “the pirate.” Jack!   Amy asserts.

Ted shakes his head. Wait a second. You hate goatees.

I know, she breathes.

You can’t stand soul patches, you won’t let me wear one.

I know, she breathes again.

The guy had BEADS in his beard!

Yes, she purrs.

And he was “swishy,” you can’t STAND “swishy.”

Yeah? Amy asks. SO WHAT???

In the following weeks Ted notices a change in Amy. She seems to spend more time on the computer in their office than she does on the couch with Ted watching TV. She suggests that Ted and his buddies play poker two nights a week instead of one, and hints that perhaps Ted should take up golf to get more exercise. The VISA bill reads like a hiccup….BLOCKBUSTER…BLOCKBUSTER…BLOCKBUSTER…BLOCKBUSTER. Several new magazines have begun arriving in the mail, and Amy is suddenly mentioning friends Ted has never met, friends with very unusual names.

One day about a month after seeing the movie, Ted is in the basement doing some laundry. This is out of the ordinary, but Amy is spend the day “cruising” at Barnes & Noble and Borders, so Ted is forced to wash his own shirts if he wants a clean one to play golf in the next day. He opens the cupboard to reach for the soap and sees, taped to the inside of the cupboard door, a large, glossy photo of the pirate from the movie! He’s shocked. The only pictures of men in the house are of him or the male members of Amy’s family. (Well, okay there are two full-size posters of Jerry Rice and Brett Favre in the den, but nothing…nothing like THIS!!!!) His sensibilities highly offended, Ted is seized by a vague sense of uneasiness and a growing suspicion. He begins a systematic search through the house, finding more and more evidence of what seems to be an obsession with the actor who played the pirate.

He needs to know more about this guy, so he goes to the computer and logs on, only to find the screen saver has been changed. It now presents a seemingly endless succession of pictures…of HIM (and not just him as a PIRATE). He googles the actor’s name and can’t believe the number of websites the search produces. He begins browsing each site, growing more and more bewildered. Until finally on one webpage he sees something that shocks him to his very core! Johnny Depp Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. THAT’S IT!!!!! Amy…his Amy has JDOCD!!

Poor Ted. He has become beleaguered. Pretty much doomed. (He was actually lost, long before he even knew he was missing.) Bummer, Ted.

But this is an extreme example, you say.

Unfortunately, no.

My situation isn’t nearly this bad, you insist.

Unfortunately, it is.

There really are no mild cases of JDOCD. Families and friends may think their loved one’s case is only mild. Or sadly, they may delude themselves into thinking it is only temporary – just a phase, a passing fancy. These assumptions are not only wrong, they are dangerously disarming. You have to face facts. You must be realistic.

THIS IS SERIOUS.

So what, oh what, on earth can you do?

There are, basically, only two avenues open to families and friends of those suffering* from Johnny Depp Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Because each situation is different, decisions must be based on what is practical and appropriate for the individual family’s circumstance or social environment. What might work for one family or set of friends may not be successful in another situation.

One - Get Out of Crisis

"Let’s just call that a guarantee of compliance, shall we?"

This is the hands-on, proactive, take-the-bull-by-the-horns approach.

Strategies involve:

1.   Begging & Cajoling (Usually ineffective)

2.   Ridicule (Causes the victim’s defenses to go up – You really don’t want to be doing that!)

3.   Threats – Physical & Emotional Tantrums (Makes you look totally pathetic)

4.   Prayer (Sorry – Completely useless)

5.   Interventions & Deprogramming – or DEPProgramming, if you prefer. (See our Deprogramming Page)

*The fact is, “sufferers” of Johnny Depp Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder don't seem to be suffering at all.

On the contrary, most victims of JDOCD seem not only happy, but euphoric. Passion has re-entered their lives, they are cheerful (even giddy).

None of this matters to those who live with victims of JDOCD. If they were totally honest (and who among us really is?), they would admit that they are not “suffering” as much as they are just plain JEALOUS.

This jealousy would not seem uncommon in the case of the male whose partner is a JDOCDer, but females suffer from the same emotion. Girlfriends, sisters, mothers, neighbors…all may pretend to exhibit scorn and disdain…but in reality they wish they had something in their life like JOHNNY!

Two - Because Nothing Else Has Worked

"It’s in the fridge, Daddy-O. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I’m layin’ down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, Soul Brother."

Despite all efforts - - pleadings, beatings, ridicule, threats, isolation, prayer, even intervention....nothing has worked. Your loved one’s behavior has not changed, her obsession is stronger, her compulsions are more pronounced. What do you do?

Sometimes family and friends begin to understand that changes in their own attitudes and behaviors become not only necessary, but imperative. They see that their willingness and ability to invest time in their own education and immersion are the only solution. Moments such as these constitute important turning points, allowing individuals new perspectives, recognizing opportunities and new experiences that did not exist for them before the final realization of failure took place.

In other words...they give up. They cave in. They surrender.

In short, there is no cure for Johnny Depp Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.  Once acquired, it is a permanent, unchanging, perpetually terminal condition. The family, the lovers, the co-workers, the neighbors, the friends...they succumb....they live with it…or they get over it.

Now, all of you...GET OVER IT.

N. Sorenson