Making the Most of JCOCD
A guide on how family and friends can use this illness to their advantage.
FOR THE PARTNER OF A JDOCD'er
Time and again, we hear from JDOCD sufferers who say that their husbands or boyfriends have figured out how to use this disorder to their best advantage. These are the lucky ones! These smart guys are the ones who have come to realize and understand that if their partner is happy, then they, in turn, are very happy.
A savvy man, who is interested in creating a special evening with his partner, will do the following:
1. You must begin by creating the right atmosphere...
a) dim the lights
b) put on any soundtrack from a JD movie and have it playing softly in the background (recommended tracks are POTC or Don Juan DeMarco)
c) light a few candles
d) wear black jeans and a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up mid-way...(make sure to wear the buckle of your belt off to the side)
e) wear a few chains, jeans dangles, leather wrist bands, skull rings
2. Suggest to your lady that you watch a Johnny movie together. Any of his movies will do, however there are a few that are sure to guarantee a happy evening for both of you, such as: Pirates of the Caribbean, The Libertine, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Chocolat, Benny and Joon, Don Juan DeMarco or The Man Who Cried.
3. Using any of the following words or phrases will definitely help....
"Avast"; "Easy on the goods darling"; "It's just you and me now."; "If you were waiting for the opportune moment...."
"The stride is gigantic!"; "You have bewitched me."; "Perhaps there is a bit of witch in you."
"Do you like me....now?"; "I am nature, you are art. Let us see how we compare."; "I am up for it all the time. That is not a boast or an opinion, it is a bone hard medical fact."
"I'll come 'round sometime and get that squeak out of your door."
"I understand how a woman must be touched."; "No woman has ever left my arms unsatisfied."
"It might get a wee bit dangerous there, Sugarbutt."; "All right. Time to get messy."
"The only thing that matters is the ending"; "This one is very good, this one is perfect"
"Do you like it? It's magical."
"Persuade me."; "I love these moments."; "My compass works just fine."
"It is big! It's very big."
"Let's boogie."; "Full speed ahead."; "Wasn't that just magnificent?"
4. Finally, open a bottle of red wine. A good merlot will do the job nicely.
There you are!!! What could be easier? Follow these simple guidelines and you, too, can join the ranks of the very happy and very satisfied husbands of rabid JDOCD'ers.
FOR THE FAMILY OF A JDOCD'er
A true sufferer of this illness will jump at the chance to visit any location known to be frequented by Johnny Depp. Therefore, the family can suggest any of the following places to go on vacation, and chances are that before they know it, they will be winging their way to said location. For instance: Paris or the south of France, Disney World or Disneyland, the Bahamas or Los Angeles.
Movie premieres in England, France, California and Japan are another way for the family to visit places all over the world. This is also true for film festivals held in places such as Cannes, or Toronto.
FOR THE FRIENDS OF A JDOCD'er
Free Johnny Depp movie passes for life! It's a known fact, that if a JDOCD'er says to a friend, "Do you want to go see Johnny's latest movie with me?" and the friend says, "Gee, I'd like to, but I'm a little broke right now", the sufferer will immediately respond with, "Oh, that's okay! This one's on me."
There are several reasons for this reaction:
a) A sufferer will use any excuse to see a JD movie as often as is humanly possible. Therefore, if her family says, "But you already SAW that movie, 18 times!!", the sufferer can respond with, "But *insert friend's name here* hasn't seen it yet and she doesn't want to go alone."
b) A sufferer will always jump at the chance to try to convert one of her friends. So if the friend says, "I don't see why you're all hung up over Johnny Depp.", this opens the door for the sufferer to feel as if she is helping her pal understand.
c) A sufferer always likes to help advance Johnny's movies up in the rankings of all-time highest grossing films. If there's any chance of doing so, by either attending the movie numerous times, or taking a friend and thereby convincing her that she should also go back to see it again and take someone else -- the pyramid effect -- then this helps to make Johnny a more bankable star. The more bankable he becomes, the more the sufferer dreams of not having to wait so long until his next film.
This produces a three-pronged effect: The sufferer is happy, the friend is happy and Johnny makes more money ... which makes the sufferer happy for him. So it is, in fact, a four-pronged effect. Or more technically ... a three-pronged effect with a trailer.
FOR THE EMPLOYER OR CO-WORKER OF A JDOCD'er
Actually, we haven't figured out yet how you can use this to your advantage, UNLESS, you are also a fan. Then, you can walk by the desk or work area of a sufferer, and enjoy the numerous pictures that will be displayed. You also might be able to take advantage of the free JD movie tickets as covered in the "Friends" section.
L. Griffin