If You Have 10 Or More Of These Documented Symptoms, You May Have JDOCD
1. You have a serious addiction to all things connected to Johnny Depp.
2. You compulsively download every known picture of JD.
3. Everyone is talking about a picture at a link that you cannot get to, to save your life, and you think you are having a heart attack.
4. You stay up till after midnight and/or get up at 5:00 AM to check the JDZ just to make sure you haven't missed anything good.
5. You have a window open to The Porch, The News Board, and a work-related thing just in case the boss knocks on your office door.
6. One of your friends with JDOCD is starting to worry about YOU because everything you say turns out to be a line from POTC.
7. Your 86-year-old father says (about the GQ Men of the Year Award show): "Well, honey, it doesn't look like YOUR MAN is going to be on after all!"
8. You know JD is going to be on TV and you aren't going to be home... you set your VCR... have to check and make sure you set it up right about 20 times... feel uncomfortable all the time you are gone... wondering... did I set that VCR up right? When you get home... do not take off coat... go directly to VCR and check it out.
9. You buy Viper Room merchandise online even though you're not even old enough to get into the club.
10. You keep the package the VR merchandise came in because it has the address to the VR on it.
11. You constantly talk about his movies in abbreviations (POTC, ES, WEGG, BNF, AW, SH, etc.) to your friends even though they have no idea what you are talking about.
12. You have so many pictures of JD saved it takes over an hour to go through them on your screen saver.
13. All of the pictures on your computer are arranged: by theme, expression, overall color, movie, or chronological order.
14. You tape an appearance of his on television... twice, for no reason other than to have two copies of it.
15. Your hubby says, "Who the hell is Klaus Badelt, and why do we have to listen to this again and again and again in bed?" Silly man, doesn't he get it?
16. Your online business is tanking because you spend the whole workday on Johnny Depp websites while you tell your husband, "Business is just so slow right now and I don't know why!"
17. You read the Playpit comments about Orlando on the Zone and think to yourself, "Oh, grow up!"
18. You buy one copy of every new magazine Johnny is in and seven more copies "just in case."
19. You clean the ceilings as Sam in Benny and Joon while you listen to "Pushin' Forward Back".
20. Someone just MENTIONS his name, and you go on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how good of a person he is and how great of a dad he is and how he's a truly amazing actor and how he is sooo handsome and how he has a true wonder of love and life and... whew... you lose your train of thought. :)
21. Someone around you says they love Johnny and your FRIENDS respond with "OH NO!!! you have no idea about her!" *pointing to you*
22. You have your Johnny shrine on your wall, and you didn't want to rip or cut any of the pictures out of magazines with Johnny on the cover, so you pin the whole thing up there.
23- You buy some look-a-like jump street boots and wash and dry them about 20 times in a row and then go about splashing in puddles, rubbing them against trees and egging on dogs to bite and scratch them to try and get the scuffed look.
24- You read this list to someone and even though they are bored out of their mind, you just keep reading, totally excited.
25. You read books by Saroyan and Kerouac, just because Johnny loves them, even though normally, you wouldn’t pick up one of these books in a million years.
26. You can sing all the songs on the Once Upon a Time in Mexico soundtrack, even though you don’t speak Spanish.
27. You’re at a party and someone you haven’t seen for a while asks you “What’s new” and someone else leans over and whispers to the first person, “You don’t want to know.”
28. You impatiently wait the 20-30 minutes it takes until you can vote for Johnny on the Hello! poll again.
29. You start taking Spanish, French or Romanian language lessons, because Johnny knows how to speak them.
30. You have a Viper Room tank top that you won't let even your best friend borrow. God forbid they shrink it in the laundry.
31. You have a type of rollodex file contraption with over 40 head shots of JD hanging on a metal ring, from the dashboard of your car and everyday, you flip it over to the next picture and GOD FORBID, should anyone get in the car and flip through the pictures without putting it back to the one at the beginning...
32. You are watching your tapes of Johnny interviews (again) and you notice little things like how he pronounced a word or that he was fiddling with his rings...
33. You have a binder of Johnny pics that are all in sheet protectors...
34. You force everyone to watch Johnny movies until they "understand".
35. Your hubby wants to be intimate with you and you say, "Just a minute, honey," while you slip INTO your Viper Room tank top.
36. The only music you listen to are soundtracks from Johnny's movies!
37. You read books on the psychology of persuasion so that you can convince your anti-JD friends to like him...
38. You actually CONSIDER whether you'd be willing to lay down enough dinero to buy Johnny's wine.
39. It takes a supreme superhuman effort to keep yourself from checking the Zone for just one day and consider it a test of willpower to resist, but resistance is futile!
40. You wear a chain with a banana charm just to remind yourself of Captain Sparrow.
41. Your internet goes down at work just as you realize an update has been posted.
42. You know the entire dialogue to POTC and carry on a POTC conversation with your kids in the car as if it's real! (They know the whole dialogue, too.)
43. The ONLY costume you even considered for Halloween is Capt. Jack Sparrow!
44. You wear your Capt. Jack Sparrow bandana around the house when vacuuming.
45. You have pics of JD as your screen saver and your wallpaper, at home AND at work.
46. Your 20-year-old son comes home and from the front hallway (where he can't even see or hear where you are) yells, "In the den watching Johnny again are we?" And he's right.
47. When you don't trust that you've programmed your VCR right, you stay up because he's on a news show that is on at 1 am to watch the one minute (which is usually at the end of the show) interview even though you have to get up at 5 am.
48. You painstakingly copy the POTC script and edit it to include photos of the movie interspersed at the proper locations, copies of the movie posters and cast lists at the beginning and reviews at the end. You also copy JD's biography, filmography into another document and add to it every article you can find. Planning all the while to print it all out into a sectioned album of his life. The next step will be to have it autographed someday.
49. Whenever you have a moment of down time you play "6 degrees of Johnny Depp" in your head and get really frustrated when you can't do it.
50. You stay up until 1:00 a.m. making the Capt. Jack & Edward Scissorhands pumpkin stencils (finely cutting then out with an exacto knife on this plastic filmy stuff that will last for many years)for all 20 people in your department at work because they need to know what they are missing.
51. In the middle of the afternoon your husband Instant Messages you and it starts out, "YO PORCH HO", because he knows I am in the exact same postion I was in when he left that morning. Still Zoning and on THE PORCH!!!!!!!
52. 9 out of the 10 websites on your "favorites list" are there because they are either a website dedicated to Johnny, contain a poll with Johnny in them, or have screen caps of one of his movies.
53. You have used up your 50 posts on the Zone and are frantically trying to figure out how to get a new IP address or count down the minutes till it resets at midnight.
54. You resist the 12-step JDOCD program, insisting that there is nothing wrong with you.
55. You check eBay every day for Johnny Depp items and are willing to pay $20 or more for a JD magazine -- and you are broke!
56. You have a reserved chair in Borders bookstore because you spend so much time there leafing through every magaine they have for pictures of Johnny you might have missed.
57. You rent the 2-disc DVD version of Lost In La Mancha from your video store, and when you see the Johnny interview on the 2nd disc you just can't give it back. So you just return 1 disc and tell the video store a cockamamie story about how the missing disc was not there when you rented it.
58. You are actually proud of yourself because you resisted the temptation to buy an Edward Scissorhands and Private Lerner doll. And you are 49 years old!
59. You leave home with a shopping list and arrive at your local Wal-mart, and find a really cheap JD DVD and then find yourself driving home excited to plug it in and watch DVD extras, only to realize you've forgotten your toilet paper, dog biscuits, Advil and cigarettes. So much for shopping lists!
60. You constantly go to Barnes and Noble and leaf through all the magazines in hopes that they will have something, if anything, about Johnny.
61. You listen to the POTC soundtrack 24/7 and start to make up words to go with the songs.
62. At least, every other thought centers around JD.
63. You go to sleep thinking of JD and he's your first thought when you wake up.
64. You hear the name John or Johnny on the television and automatically freak right out and turn up the volume.
65. You copy down the list of these symptoms and save it in your JD file on you computer.
66. You take along your photo album of JD pics for your check up at the doctor’s and after showing it to him, you ask, “Do you think this may be why I’ve been having heart palpitations lately?” (A 62 year old fan really did this!)
67. (part two) – Then after your doctor’s appointment, you go back out into the waiting room and show the album to the receptionist and every other female there, saying, “Isn’t he the most gorgeous man alive?”
68. You have every empty space around your desk filled with his pictures AND you don’t care that people are whispering about your mental state, behind your back.
69. You have now subscribed to Entertainment Weekly, Premiere, People, The Hollywood Reporter, Variety, and TV Guide.
70. You cannot let one week go by without watching at least one of his movies, at least part way through.
71. You go into all the websites for every station that you get on TV, each week, to do a search to see if anything is coming on with Johnny on it.
72. Your 88-year-old father stands up in church and asks, "You all know Johnny Depp, don't you?" He then proceeds to announce to everyone that his 54-year-old single daughter is obsessed with the man and has her home decorated in Depp.
73. You resist all pressure to try to change, insisting there is nothing wrong with you, you like it this way, and you DO have a life.
Created by the JDZoners, 2003.